Depression is real people! Real I tell you!!
I know that I have been MIA as of late and I will tell you why...depression. I was, as you know if you've read my 'I was let go today' post, let go from my part-time job. Well, not even a month later I was let go from my full-time job. A job that I really liked. But all good things do come to an end whether we are ready for it or not.
As you all know I am a big believer in everything that we think about comes about. We put ALL of our thoughts, wishes, and dreams into the Universe and they come back to us. And when we are not specific they come back as a lesson to learn and grow from. This is and has been hoping for the last time, my lesson for some time now.
This one took me by surprise and I thought I was handling it well until I started working back in a hair salon. I was excited to get back into hair with the intention of combining it with my personal styling business. Soon after, I started in the salon down the street from my house. I was starting over so I created a Facebook page and invited every one of my FB friends. I ran daily specials and had a sign out front letting passing potential clients I was open for clients. I was about 2 months in and none of it worked, NO one came in, NO one called and before too long, full disclosure: I did some clients that were friends of the family but other than those few I did not have any other prospects. I eventually stopped showing up to the salon. I thought that since I was not busy no one would miss me, and they didn't. This was disappointing for me because I thought that when I let my Facebook friends, who were previous clients, know that I was back they would come out of the woodwork. But no one...not one of those clients came to see me. I was disappointed for a couple of reasons, 1) I wasn't as good as I thought I was and 2) maybe I had made another HUGE mistake and 3) I thought more of myself than I ever had and it backfired on me.
This is where the sadness and depression crept in. The "mean girl" in my head said "I told you you weren't all that" and "you know you were never that good at cutting hair" or "you should've kept your mouth shut and you would still have a good paycheck!!" I couldn't shut her up for anything. I tried to drown her out by sleeping, drinking, and zoning out watching non-sense t.v. shows. I tried to keep my mind off how much of a disappointment I must be to my family. Nothing worked. I would sleep till 11 and then drag myself out of bed just to let the pups out and laid back down. There were days that I did not get out of bed, out of my pj's, or eat for that matter. I cried and cried and screamed and cried! It was not a good place to be, it was a very dark time and I could not see a way out.
I did not know what to do. I mean I am a 47 (at the time) year old woman, I shouldn't be in the place. I have an Associated Degree and have been in the Cosmetology industry for over 20 years! I was confused and did not know what to do. It was driving me crazy. Should I quit and get a "normal" job and get a steady paycheck or stick it out and build a clientele. Do I really love cutting hair or should I do something different? Should I move to another salon? If so, which one? Who would let me work there and only cut hair because I did not like to do color or highlights? What about the personal styling that I wanted to do? What about opening the plus-size consignment shop? I could not make a decision. I did not know what to do. I just knew that what I was doing was NOT working.
I finally talked to my cousin who's also my BFF and she gave me some clarity. She said that I should move to a busier salon, which I already knew that I needed to move locations. One that had more of a walk-in flow and was in a busier location. so that very week I did. I told the owner of my current salon that it was just not working out for me and listed the reasons. She was very understanding. And, that next Saturday I started in the new salon. I was so excited and ready to cut a lot of hair and do a ton of updos'. I was super busy on my first day and it was great. I made more money in the first week in the new salon than I did in 2 months at the previous salon.
I was excited because I thought that I was going to love cutting and styling hair again. The only way to build a clientele was to be in the salon and wait on them to see your Facebook posts, walk-in and/or call me for an appointment. Granted I was much busier than the first salon and made more than the booth rent every week but not enough to support myself. Depression set in again but this time I forced myself to show up just not as much as I should have to make more money. I would not go in till 11 and leave at 5 or 6 so that I could get to the gym but then was too tired or mentally beat up from my "mean girl" yappin her jaw all day that I did not even make it to the gym. I would just go home and lay in bed and watch mind-numbing t.v.
I wanted to quit. I did not feel like I was being productive, the same problem I had with the other salon, AND I was NOT making enough money for my bills. Something had to change. Then my grandmother had 2 strokes and I was M.I.A. from the shop for about 2 weeks. The owner was very understanding and I was grateful, still am. But I still wanted to quit. I just thought, maybe I did have the passion or love for hair like I did when I worked for a franchise. If I am being honest I never really loved cutting hair I was just really good at it. I still am good just not busy enough, right now, to make a living.
Then I had a revelation. I needed to cut down my days until I could fill them. I am only working the two busiest days, Friday and Saturday. This has made a difference in my attitude, I look forward to being in the shop regardless if I have clients booked or not. It has given me a sense of purpose. I've gotten things done at home. Knowing that I have work on two days helps me prioritize my days. I don't dread getting out of bed to go to the shop knowing I will have to sit and wait on walk-in clients. I am still posting on my Facebook page, when I think of it, it's still kind of new to advertise that way I'm old school!
For now this is working for me and I am glad I did it! I feel more productive and like I am contributing to my life. I am more energized and happier now that I have set my schedule to a more productive feel. I still have my days where I do not want to go to the shop but they are minimized by the knowledge that I could be busy. I have done better and made more money in those two days than I did when I was working, a.k.a. sitting for hours not cutting any hair! My "mean girl" is still there, I've just turned down her volume a bit. I am a work in progress and will continue to be, who isn't! Wish me luck!
I know that I have been MIA as of late and I will tell you why...depression. I was, as you know if you've read my 'I was let go today' post, let go from my part-time job. Well, not even a month later I was let go from my full-time job. A job that I really liked. But all good things do come to an end whether we are ready for it or not.
As you all know I am a big believer in everything that we think about comes about. We put ALL of our thoughts, wishes, and dreams into the Universe and they come back to us. And when we are not specific they come back as a lesson to learn and grow from. This is and has been hoping for the last time, my lesson for some time now.
This one took me by surprise and I thought I was handling it well until I started working back in a hair salon. I was excited to get back into hair with the intention of combining it with my personal styling business. Soon after, I started in the salon down the street from my house. I was starting over so I created a Facebook page and invited every one of my FB friends. I ran daily specials and had a sign out front letting passing potential clients I was open for clients. I was about 2 months in and none of it worked, NO one came in, NO one called and before too long, full disclosure: I did some clients that were friends of the family but other than those few I did not have any other prospects. I eventually stopped showing up to the salon. I thought that since I was not busy no one would miss me, and they didn't. This was disappointing for me because I thought that when I let my Facebook friends, who were previous clients, know that I was back they would come out of the woodwork. But no one...not one of those clients came to see me. I was disappointed for a couple of reasons, 1) I wasn't as good as I thought I was and 2) maybe I had made another HUGE mistake and 3) I thought more of myself than I ever had and it backfired on me.
This is where the sadness and depression crept in. The "mean girl" in my head said "I told you you weren't all that" and "you know you were never that good at cutting hair" or "you should've kept your mouth shut and you would still have a good paycheck!!" I couldn't shut her up for anything. I tried to drown her out by sleeping, drinking, and zoning out watching non-sense t.v. shows. I tried to keep my mind off how much of a disappointment I must be to my family. Nothing worked. I would sleep till 11 and then drag myself out of bed just to let the pups out and laid back down. There were days that I did not get out of bed, out of my pj's, or eat for that matter. I cried and cried and screamed and cried! It was not a good place to be, it was a very dark time and I could not see a way out.
I did not know what to do. I mean I am a 47 (at the time) year old woman, I shouldn't be in the place. I have an Associated Degree and have been in the Cosmetology industry for over 20 years! I was confused and did not know what to do. It was driving me crazy. Should I quit and get a "normal" job and get a steady paycheck or stick it out and build a clientele. Do I really love cutting hair or should I do something different? Should I move to another salon? If so, which one? Who would let me work there and only cut hair because I did not like to do color or highlights? What about the personal styling that I wanted to do? What about opening the plus-size consignment shop? I could not make a decision. I did not know what to do. I just knew that what I was doing was NOT working.
I finally talked to my cousin who's also my BFF and she gave me some clarity. She said that I should move to a busier salon, which I already knew that I needed to move locations. One that had more of a walk-in flow and was in a busier location. so that very week I did. I told the owner of my current salon that it was just not working out for me and listed the reasons. She was very understanding. And, that next Saturday I started in the new salon. I was so excited and ready to cut a lot of hair and do a ton of updos'. I was super busy on my first day and it was great. I made more money in the first week in the new salon than I did in 2 months at the previous salon.
I was excited because I thought that I was going to love cutting and styling hair again. The only way to build a clientele was to be in the salon and wait on them to see your Facebook posts, walk-in and/or call me for an appointment. Granted I was much busier than the first salon and made more than the booth rent every week but not enough to support myself. Depression set in again but this time I forced myself to show up just not as much as I should have to make more money. I would not go in till 11 and leave at 5 or 6 so that I could get to the gym but then was too tired or mentally beat up from my "mean girl" yappin her jaw all day that I did not even make it to the gym. I would just go home and lay in bed and watch mind-numbing t.v.
I wanted to quit. I did not feel like I was being productive, the same problem I had with the other salon, AND I was NOT making enough money for my bills. Something had to change. Then my grandmother had 2 strokes and I was M.I.A. from the shop for about 2 weeks. The owner was very understanding and I was grateful, still am. But I still wanted to quit. I just thought, maybe I did have the passion or love for hair like I did when I worked for a franchise. If I am being honest I never really loved cutting hair I was just really good at it. I still am good just not busy enough, right now, to make a living.
Then I had a revelation. I needed to cut down my days until I could fill them. I am only working the two busiest days, Friday and Saturday. This has made a difference in my attitude, I look forward to being in the shop regardless if I have clients booked or not. It has given me a sense of purpose. I've gotten things done at home. Knowing that I have work on two days helps me prioritize my days. I don't dread getting out of bed to go to the shop knowing I will have to sit and wait on walk-in clients. I am still posting on my Facebook page, when I think of it, it's still kind of new to advertise that way I'm old school!
For now this is working for me and I am glad I did it! I feel more productive and like I am contributing to my life. I am more energized and happier now that I have set my schedule to a more productive feel. I still have my days where I do not want to go to the shop but they are minimized by the knowledge that I could be busy. I have done better and made more money in those two days than I did when I was working, a.k.a. sitting for hours not cutting any hair! My "mean girl" is still there, I've just turned down her volume a bit. I am a work in progress and will continue to be, who isn't! Wish me luck!
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